Today is the day…
I drive to California in a vehicle I’m only 80% certain is capable of making the trip without breaking down. It does have problems, not the least of which includes an oil leak and a coolant leak.
If everything goes as planned, I’ll probably be back on Friday in time to go back to work.
Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation. If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life.
It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.
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Depression is not a synonym for being sad or having a bad day/bad week.
It’s not a PHASE. It’s not a CHOICE. It’s not LAZINESS.
(via general-grievous)
I’ve posted this before, but it’s worth posting again.
(via squeedge)
(Source: sherunsfromdarkness, via squeedge)
Can one of you just come to my house and assault me? I don’t want to be conscious anymore. I’d pay for someone to beat me up right now.
I am so fucking stressed right now… I’m almost to the point of another breakdown.
The plans for going south to help my friend are tentative on the when as I’m supposed to take another friend down to help, but I don’t have any clue when he’ll get here and I’m his only ride.
Having things only half-planned in advance just gives so much more time to stress over them and the missing details.
Because real envelopes are for rich douchebags (and I can’t be bothered by those, like, ever)
Personally, I think this is hilarious and it works well enough for me… I’ve made my own envelopes out of paper + duct tape when I didn’t want to go buy them.
Fluttershy is my role model
I am a coward. I get anxious and stressed over the smallest things and am deathly afraid of moving very far out of my comfort zone. I hate being so afraid; I feel so worthless sometimes because of it.
I want to be better than that, and one of my friends needs my help. I have to leave my comfort zone far behind to go help him and the only thoughts that kept me from saying “no” and running away were of Fluttershy. I’m as scared internally as she is externally, but she can stand up and do what is right when her friends need her. No matter how timid, frightened, and afraid she is, if a friend is truly in need, she’ll be there when it really counts.
I want to be a friend like her; a friend worth having.
I’ll be on hiatus for awhile as my friend doesn’t have internet and I’m too stressed at the moment to do art anyways. It won’t be until next week that I’m leaving for a few days or more. Things should return to normal in a few weeks.
Candlelight, my OC, goring Snails with her horn. Prequel to [this] scene that I did forever ago.
Not the first, and definitely not the last in a long line of bloody drawings to come.
Sorry to everyone who watches my other blog, but I feel I’d rather people not follow it. I made it password protected.
Any future music posts will be put on this blog, and I’ll get a soundcloud at some point down the road.
Taking a break from art and music or something like that… things just aren’t really working out for me right now.
Nothing to explain, I’m just lame is all.
Hey, you perifolk… is peri still down or is it just my connection not going through?
Yeah tsu broke his foot off in peri’s ass and unfortunately peri isn’t into that.
First my internet went down, now my hang out place is down? WHY DO YOU HATE ME WEBLOR, LORD OF THE INTERNET?!
It feels like something is wrong for Peripatos to not be open on my computer…
true friendship is feeling comfortable talking about your deranged and potentially illegal fetishes
(via runrabbitjunk)
